I came off my meds after nearly 7 years I did six months and thought I was flying it but unfortunately things started to return that anxiety and fear ..I made the decision to go back on meds and am slowly getting there 6 months on ..
At 28 I was given anti depressants and 1 counselling session. Yes,1. I worked out going on the pill was the main issue causing the depression.
After my son was born I experienced post natal anxiety but it was very gradual I didn't realise until he was over 1 yr old. I haven't been on medication this time. I've done a lot more counselling,reading, and of course the Owning it podcast!
I think we would all like to take the magic med that would ease emotional pain, but in reality you do have to ground yourself, and that's where I'm at.
Thanks for sharing this Caroline, I've been going through the same thing 'should i come off it or not' for months now. I decided (with my doctors advice) last July I would try reducing it as I felt in a really good place and I'd been on it for 5 years, and to be honest ever since then I feel I'm still trying to get back to where I was. I gradually reduced my dose by 50% over about 3 months, and it just wasn't suiting me, I really tried but life was just so much harder in all aspects. I increased again but not back to the same amount I was on, and I felt better but still not great, and I finally decided about a month ago to go back to my original dose and I feel SO much better already! It just makes everyday living feel easier, I feel like I'm a better version of myself, tiny things don't bother me as much, and I'm actually more able to do the things like therapy, exercise, eating better etc and I really do feel I need the medication. It's like it's given me my pep in my step back! I definitely agree there's still stigma, my partner and family know I'm on it but I don't really discuss it with anyone else, probably because I do feel a bit of shame or judgement. My other concern is I don't like being on a 'drug' and worry what it does to my body, but it's too important for me to not take it because of that.
So thrilled for you that you're feeling better and were able to make that decision for yourself! If you had any other physical struggle that required medication we just wouldn't feel this way about it. I also feel they are so well studied by now we know they are safe to be on longterm if we feel that's right for us. Thanks for reading <3
I went on meds during a bout of postpartum depression, nearly 11 years ago. My dosages and prescriptions have gone up and down over the years, as other things have fed into it (mostly chronic pain/illness related) but before Christmas I did find myself having the chat with my GP about possibly coming off them altogether (after reducing my dose for a year). This led to a discussion about how it's not a bad thing to be on them, but an acknowledgement that we'd see where I was in the Summer, as to avoid any clash of SAD and coming off meds. I've come to terms with needing to be on them, somewhat, they're one pill in a bunch of pills that I wind up taking daily so I guess for me it has been easier to rationalise it as just another thing to make my body stop rebelling against me.
I do hope that whatever you decide to do, that the process of it goes smoothly and that you're feeling happy with your choice.
Hi Caroline . I dtrughled the Irish way outwardly strong and capable and inwardly falling apart . Crisis time and I was given medication for clinical depression. As soon as I felt better ( not just the meds but CBT a lot of reading , yoga training to a high degree and off I went again ) putting myself back in exactly the same forum and 15 years later crisis time again . Medication and more time in counselling and other forums and unable to really access all my positive tools . Eventually after 4 types of medications the last one after 2weeks pinged and hey presto out of black hole .
I do believe all the cogs on the wheel revolved at once to set in motion recovery and awareness of my circumstances and relationships and how to adjust my reactions to others actions . I couldn’t change their actions and stopped wanting to .
A whole new world and way of being followed.
Now in my absolute top form and awareness do I come off the meds .
I am telling people I am drinking 00 because the meds I’m on would make alcohol 4 times more potent and since I was never a drinker as such it doesn’t bother me a bit .
Telling people I’m on meds and most know I was in crisis has given me the freedom to be . I have nothing to hide or turn from in conversation with anyone as I faced up to being truly human with all the human attributes.
Yo med or not to med remains to be seen but if it means to bed or not to bed I’ll keep taking them even if my whole being screams holistic . Hand in hand I say back .
Thanks for sharing this Caroline. I can resonate with this completely as I've been going through something similar since Autumn..:
I came off Sertraline in Oct last year after being on this for four years (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). It did dull down my emotions in hindsight but equally it was life changing as I gained a promotion at work (management) which I would have previously never entertained/been open to doing.
However, I did want to establish if I could cope without being medicated and the short answer is/was No ! I relinquished management shortly after despite coping with the other/complex demands of my role, I've (since Xmas) been off work ill with Work related Stress/Anxiety as a knock on effect/hangover from my previous role - which Sertraline appeared to be masking.
I'm ready to return to work soon and hope I can do this without the return to any form of Meds now that my job will be less stressful. One big observation though is that as much as I'm glad to be off them in some respects (personal side effects etc), the morning anxiety ("wakening up fear", as I call it), is really heavy and trying to overcome this (despite actually going to sleep not worrying at all) is a big challenge. I never realised how much difference meds made here as I think that how we feel at that point of the day is not something we can attribute to placebo effect - due to it being cortisol related etc.
Although my GP has been really helpful/supportive during my work leave, I think more can be done in terms of Aftercare when ceasing medication, instead of the usual on/off scenario they ask.. (as purely from my example, there's much more to consider and explains why its a minefield..).
Appreciate that won't be very conclusive for you, but just an instance of the challenges we face when considering this. Thank you for the opportunity to share and good luck!
Thanks for sharing Caroline. I really resonate with this. I was on antidepressants for quite a few years and I made the decision to come off them about 3 years ago. At the time I didn't feel the need to stay on them because I was feeling pretty good about myself and my anxiety was low but also I think I was influenced with the anti pill feeling in the wellness industry (which I still believe is there even if taking medication is more accepted). Although antidepressants helped me function and regulate I also felt more flat and less able to feel things as deeply and I wanted to feel fully again. Fast forward to now and I'm having a really hard time and have been considering going back on sertraline. I briefly spoke to a GP a year ago about it and she advised CBT instead which I did (didn't really touch the surface) so now I'm having private therapy for the first time in my life and I regret not doing it sooner. I'm still on the fence about going back on them, sometimes my emotions and anxiety feel unbearable but equally I wonder if this is something I need to feel and go through. I overthink so much so I do wonder if I'm making it into a big decision when maybe I don't need to.
But I feel equally stuck with whether to go back on birth control (won't go into detail but it's the only thing that helps my PCOS and I've felt out of control being off it). There is so much stigma around the pill too. I ended up feeling like it's giving in or not 'getting to the root cause' to take something that would mask my actual hormones but regulate them and help me feel more in balance. Is it ok to say I find it hard being off it and I don't want to struggle when something would help, am I staying off it because of what I think others think, why do I care. Who am I doing this for. I am such an overthinker - and your substack makes me feel less alone in these thoughts so thank you xx
Thanks for sharing Alison, and for reading! I've never had the feeling of having my antidepressants numb my emotions, I still cry like a baby at sad movies etc and anything remotely sentimental, but I can imagine if it did have that effect it would be hard to feel like you're feeling the full scope of emotions. I still am very capable of feeling intense anxiety even with them, but it's more the constant heavy fearful background noise isn't there all the time because of the medication largely. xxx
I understand completely. What really resonated with me in your post was us still considering what’s socially acceptable or what others might be thinking vs what is truly best for us. My brain is so susceptible to this kind of thinking and I’m so self critical but it’s something I am actively trying to work on because it’s no good being your own worst critic! X
Tried coming off mine a few times and was back to square one within 3 months I’ve recently had to increase my dose as I could feel by the evening time anxiety was creeping back in and having me in a state of panic I wasn’t embarrassed telling the doctor but when I was picking up my new prescription I did feel embarrassed that the pharmacist knew I was on a stronger dose I felt like he must think I’m a basket case to need such a high dose I’ve told nobody else only my husband I don’t need to listen to opinion right now I just need to feel balanced first before I try deal with any outside influence
I came off my meds after nearly 7 years I did six months and thought I was flying it but unfortunately things started to return that anxiety and fear ..I made the decision to go back on meds and am slowly getting there 6 months on ..
Well done on making that decision for yourself <3
At 28 I was given anti depressants and 1 counselling session. Yes,1. I worked out going on the pill was the main issue causing the depression.
After my son was born I experienced post natal anxiety but it was very gradual I didn't realise until he was over 1 yr old. I haven't been on medication this time. I've done a lot more counselling,reading, and of course the Owning it podcast!
I think we would all like to take the magic med that would ease emotional pain, but in reality you do have to ground yourself, and that's where I'm at.
Thanks for sharing this Caroline, I've been going through the same thing 'should i come off it or not' for months now. I decided (with my doctors advice) last July I would try reducing it as I felt in a really good place and I'd been on it for 5 years, and to be honest ever since then I feel I'm still trying to get back to where I was. I gradually reduced my dose by 50% over about 3 months, and it just wasn't suiting me, I really tried but life was just so much harder in all aspects. I increased again but not back to the same amount I was on, and I felt better but still not great, and I finally decided about a month ago to go back to my original dose and I feel SO much better already! It just makes everyday living feel easier, I feel like I'm a better version of myself, tiny things don't bother me as much, and I'm actually more able to do the things like therapy, exercise, eating better etc and I really do feel I need the medication. It's like it's given me my pep in my step back! I definitely agree there's still stigma, my partner and family know I'm on it but I don't really discuss it with anyone else, probably because I do feel a bit of shame or judgement. My other concern is I don't like being on a 'drug' and worry what it does to my body, but it's too important for me to not take it because of that.
So thrilled for you that you're feeling better and were able to make that decision for yourself! If you had any other physical struggle that required medication we just wouldn't feel this way about it. I also feel they are so well studied by now we know they are safe to be on longterm if we feel that's right for us. Thanks for reading <3
I went on meds during a bout of postpartum depression, nearly 11 years ago. My dosages and prescriptions have gone up and down over the years, as other things have fed into it (mostly chronic pain/illness related) but before Christmas I did find myself having the chat with my GP about possibly coming off them altogether (after reducing my dose for a year). This led to a discussion about how it's not a bad thing to be on them, but an acknowledgement that we'd see where I was in the Summer, as to avoid any clash of SAD and coming off meds. I've come to terms with needing to be on them, somewhat, they're one pill in a bunch of pills that I wind up taking daily so I guess for me it has been easier to rationalise it as just another thing to make my body stop rebelling against me.
I do hope that whatever you decide to do, that the process of it goes smoothly and that you're feeling happy with your choice.
Would love if some of your posts were audio posts if you’ve ever considered it. Thanks and really enjoy your writing
Hi Caroline . I dtrughled the Irish way outwardly strong and capable and inwardly falling apart . Crisis time and I was given medication for clinical depression. As soon as I felt better ( not just the meds but CBT a lot of reading , yoga training to a high degree and off I went again ) putting myself back in exactly the same forum and 15 years later crisis time again . Medication and more time in counselling and other forums and unable to really access all my positive tools . Eventually after 4 types of medications the last one after 2weeks pinged and hey presto out of black hole .
I do believe all the cogs on the wheel revolved at once to set in motion recovery and awareness of my circumstances and relationships and how to adjust my reactions to others actions . I couldn’t change their actions and stopped wanting to .
A whole new world and way of being followed.
Now in my absolute top form and awareness do I come off the meds .
I am telling people I am drinking 00 because the meds I’m on would make alcohol 4 times more potent and since I was never a drinker as such it doesn’t bother me a bit .
Telling people I’m on meds and most know I was in crisis has given me the freedom to be . I have nothing to hide or turn from in conversation with anyone as I faced up to being truly human with all the human attributes.
Yo med or not to med remains to be seen but if it means to bed or not to bed I’ll keep taking them even if my whole being screams holistic . Hand in hand I say back .
Thanks for sharing this Caroline. I can resonate with this completely as I've been going through something similar since Autumn..:
I came off Sertraline in Oct last year after being on this for four years (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). It did dull down my emotions in hindsight but equally it was life changing as I gained a promotion at work (management) which I would have previously never entertained/been open to doing.
However, I did want to establish if I could cope without being medicated and the short answer is/was No ! I relinquished management shortly after despite coping with the other/complex demands of my role, I've (since Xmas) been off work ill with Work related Stress/Anxiety as a knock on effect/hangover from my previous role - which Sertraline appeared to be masking.
I'm ready to return to work soon and hope I can do this without the return to any form of Meds now that my job will be less stressful. One big observation though is that as much as I'm glad to be off them in some respects (personal side effects etc), the morning anxiety ("wakening up fear", as I call it), is really heavy and trying to overcome this (despite actually going to sleep not worrying at all) is a big challenge. I never realised how much difference meds made here as I think that how we feel at that point of the day is not something we can attribute to placebo effect - due to it being cortisol related etc.
Although my GP has been really helpful/supportive during my work leave, I think more can be done in terms of Aftercare when ceasing medication, instead of the usual on/off scenario they ask.. (as purely from my example, there's much more to consider and explains why its a minefield..).
Appreciate that won't be very conclusive for you, but just an instance of the challenges we face when considering this. Thank you for the opportunity to share and good luck!
Thanks for sharing Caroline. I really resonate with this. I was on antidepressants for quite a few years and I made the decision to come off them about 3 years ago. At the time I didn't feel the need to stay on them because I was feeling pretty good about myself and my anxiety was low but also I think I was influenced with the anti pill feeling in the wellness industry (which I still believe is there even if taking medication is more accepted). Although antidepressants helped me function and regulate I also felt more flat and less able to feel things as deeply and I wanted to feel fully again. Fast forward to now and I'm having a really hard time and have been considering going back on sertraline. I briefly spoke to a GP a year ago about it and she advised CBT instead which I did (didn't really touch the surface) so now I'm having private therapy for the first time in my life and I regret not doing it sooner. I'm still on the fence about going back on them, sometimes my emotions and anxiety feel unbearable but equally I wonder if this is something I need to feel and go through. I overthink so much so I do wonder if I'm making it into a big decision when maybe I don't need to.
But I feel equally stuck with whether to go back on birth control (won't go into detail but it's the only thing that helps my PCOS and I've felt out of control being off it). There is so much stigma around the pill too. I ended up feeling like it's giving in or not 'getting to the root cause' to take something that would mask my actual hormones but regulate them and help me feel more in balance. Is it ok to say I find it hard being off it and I don't want to struggle when something would help, am I staying off it because of what I think others think, why do I care. Who am I doing this for. I am such an overthinker - and your substack makes me feel less alone in these thoughts so thank you xx
Thanks for sharing Alison, and for reading! I've never had the feeling of having my antidepressants numb my emotions, I still cry like a baby at sad movies etc and anything remotely sentimental, but I can imagine if it did have that effect it would be hard to feel like you're feeling the full scope of emotions. I still am very capable of feeling intense anxiety even with them, but it's more the constant heavy fearful background noise isn't there all the time because of the medication largely. xxx
I understand completely. What really resonated with me in your post was us still considering what’s socially acceptable or what others might be thinking vs what is truly best for us. My brain is so susceptible to this kind of thinking and I’m so self critical but it’s something I am actively trying to work on because it’s no good being your own worst critic! X
Tried coming off mine a few times and was back to square one within 3 months I’ve recently had to increase my dose as I could feel by the evening time anxiety was creeping back in and having me in a state of panic I wasn’t embarrassed telling the doctor but when I was picking up my new prescription I did feel embarrassed that the pharmacist knew I was on a stronger dose I felt like he must think I’m a basket case to need such a high dose I’ve told nobody else only my husband I don’t need to listen to opinion right now I just need to feel balanced first before I try deal with any outside influence